I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Mom said you looked used
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
