we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
