Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
