I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
