i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
