just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
