chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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