i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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