Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
