dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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