Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
