i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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