I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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