I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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