I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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