This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
