there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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