please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
