You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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