i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
