There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
