Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
