those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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