Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need a burrito and a hug.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
