I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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