She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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