Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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