i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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