hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
