They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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