somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
