oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
