Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
