ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
