I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
