Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
