So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
