I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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