it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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