and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
