I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
