If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
