He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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