GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
