he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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