I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
