Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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