I cockslap morals
I smell stomach acid.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
