You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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