The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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