Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Randomize
