i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
