There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
cat food counts as protein by the way
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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